Beverly, my mother-in-law is a wonderful talented woman who happens to be 92 years old. She leads music, accompanies, directs congregations, plays the piano and organ, led many choirs, taught piano to many children, and was an amazing cook.
But now she needs help with her medications and help off the couch and kitchen chair and doesn't go anywhere without her walker or cane. She doesn't cook or do laundry and has a really hard time making the bed.
Jeffrey and I are uniquely qualified to give the very best care at the very best time to his mother. Jeffrey and I are both at home during the day so we can trade-off care times with each other. No one has the burnt of the care with the other gone to work. We are (were) empty nesters without ongoing responsibility to other children. We are both healthy and young enough to be of optimal service. We both love Beverly and want the very best life for her. We came into this service after Janice and Greg broke the path into manageable parts - we did not have the angst thrust on us due to her fall. All the meds have been worked out, her ability and inabilities spelled out and two perspectives (Janice and Kim) of what Beverly needs. Perfect.
Then there is the everyday reality. This amazing far-sighted astute woman doesn't remember last month or sometimes even the last hour depending on how much pain she has been in. Here is where I think I can be of the most help. She isn't my mother and I don't expect her to be anything other than an old lady. Her children keep expecting her to be their mom.
So I think I will tell you stories about 50 first dates we enjoy regularly at the Adams house.
The first story is the story I keep telling her. She planned a trip to Pajaro Dunes with all of her family. Kim (her daughter) made some really great plans to celebrate her 90th birthday. Neither one showed up. Both ended up in the hospital. Kindra (my niece, Kim's daughter) called her grandmother one day and drove two hours to get her help because she didn't answer the phone. Some little voice told her it was serious. After calling 911 they broke into her house to find her on the floor, then took her to the hospital. After her stay there and some physical therapy, she went home again. Months later the neighbor called Janice and Greg (Beverly's youngest son) to tell them newspapers were piling on the driveway that was unusual. When they got into the house she was on the floor. As best as can be determined she probably was there for two days. She went to the hospital again, physical therapy again and then went to Janice and Greg's home to live.
When Beverly's four living children met together they determined that Beverly was incapable of living alone and each took an assignment for her care. Janice and Greg took the lion's share by taking her to doctors, therapy appointments, and figuring out what she could and couldn't do on her own. They had her for a year, then asked if the other children could take her for a month. Beverly stayed with Kim for November and in December she came to our home. We didn't purchase a return flight as we expected our turn was now. Maybe we will trade off with Kim every few months. Maybe we will keep her awhile. Mike (Beverly's oldest son) home is not conducive for elderly walkthroughs and Carol is fighting some health issues of her own.
Beverly remembers none of it. She does remember sliding down by the ironing board but not why. She feels she is fully ready to fly back to her home and take care of herself. So I tell stories and let her know that we NEVER want her to lay on a floor for two days without someone knowing.
She does remember visits when I show her pictures and remind her of what happened on a given day, but she doesn't have any chronology settings.
If she is in pain, overwhelmed, or very tired, she will not remember that hour or day. She loves people to visit and talk with but can't handle a house filled with crying babies, loud games and noise, and too many conversations. At Christmas time we had two days with the house bursting at the seams. It was not a good time for Beverly. The times when a few couples come to visit, sing, play the violin, or have dinner are times she remembers - especially with a picture.
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| Beverly and Debbie playing a duet a few days after Christmas - a good memory |
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