Vulnerability

 A few nights ago, I listened to the wind and storm outside of my open window. An image of a couple living under the underpass in Quezon City came my mind. They were vulnerable to the storm with only the meager shelter they could find behind the pillars and road above.  In contrast, I was so grateful to be in a warm sturdy home with electricity, running water and a nice snug bed for the night. I started thanking the Lord for the many, many blessings that I enjoy.

I am developing new depths of gratefulness as I journey along in my healing process. The first time I walked around a short block, I felt like a I was faking confidence. I felt if I fell down that I would somehow be a target. I tried to walk slowly but with my head held high - which was difficult as I kept watching the sidewalk so I wouldn't trip and fall over a rise or deep crack in the cement. I do have some nice neighbors and some I do not know. I'm not sure why I was anxious as I walked. Maybe because I wasn't sure how far I could go. My gratitude comes from feeling better and better each day. I am more aware at this time how intricate our bodies are and how amazing it is that they will heal seemingly on their own. 

The first time I took Makynlee on a walk, I prayed very hard that she would not run ahead or out into the street because I was not in a good position to run after her. I kept her entertained by asking questions about the things I could see in different yards. It worked. We got home without any extra adventures. I do not like not being unable to run, walk, and lift like I could a month ago. Even coughing or laughing is still difficult. I do have to let some things slip. I have to have patience and do all I can do. (I hate waiting)

 I am so grateful for a loving God who helps me prioritize and gives me the opportunity to rise to challenges. 

Thank you, thank you Heavenly Father for giving me this life, loves, opportunities and challenges, and for letting me have so many, many blessings. One of which is a body that is healing well and becoming more capable. 

That being said, I can't wait to walk a mile with a real lift of my head and confidence to move ahead. I want to rip the bullseye off my back.