Married to an Introvert

 There has been one issue that has come to stark light during this Covid process during this last year. It is that fact that I'm married to an introvert who deals and enjoys time alone to think, process, and create. Being more on the extrovert side (in my own greater family, I am considered more of an introvert) that needs to have conversations and interact with people on a daily basis, I try to accommodate his needs.  Studying, pondering, or creating without an interaction for six hours doesn't do it for me. Jeffrey on the other hand is happy to have "no interruptions" all day. When he is especially expedient or under pressure the situation escalates to silence demanded and exasperation noted for any interaction. Since March of 2020, these different needs have been brought to the surface as neighbors, friends, and family disappeared from my daily life. It didn't use to be so noticeable as I did "my thing" and he did his. 

Now that we are serving 'together' on this mission, Jeffrey will try to come home with stories about his work and sometimes makes sure I am going or doing something with another person.  Jeffrey is so interesting and has these really well thought out insights because of his deep analytical nature. Everyone learns and loves to listen when he talks about things he has thought out and loves,  He is very interesting to talk to and enjoys talking with people, just not all day.

My last mission was perfect in that regard as I went to a dental office and interacted with others all day long and was able to come home and share stories with Jeffrey before we turned in. This mission - after Covid - is very different for me. If Jeffrey has been interacting with people all day, he finds it hard to go out or be with others at night. I on the other hand have finished all my secretarial work and would love to go out to enjoy others.

I am trying to do good things every day for someone(s). But when I invite people to our little apartment doing projects, it is tough for Jeffrey to have someone in his space or having people who want to talk with him after a long day. It is all a matter of balance. I try to have group projects finished before the end of his work day.

When we invite someone over for Family Home Evening, I tell him in advance so he can gear up. When he has had an especially fraught day, he lets me know he just needs to be alone for awhile. So the sharing time we give each other is really rich and nice. Jeffrey comes home at noon sometimes with stories or sometimes after work with stories or insights to share that I know are especially thought out for me. I make sure I have personal projects to do so I don't need to have him entertain me.

 I have learned to value and know the gifts of time and thought he gives to me. I am so glad we have this mission where we are together without family around that has helped us hone our time together in a sharing, loving way that has deepened our relationship. He misses me when he goes on trips, and is happy to come be with me after working long hours. It is easy for me to run off to see the grands when I'm home, and easy to be distracted going somewhere else. So this time together is very nice.

I have no problem running off with others to get gelato or out to dinner and I just claim we have two different missions. We will always have two different missions. The time together when we share is very valuable as a result.