Thursday, October 21, 2010

Hypnotic green numbers

Anxiously watching the green blinking numbers as the graph shoots up and down, willing the numbers to change lower.  I tell myself to look away and be a support to my friend but inivetably I'm staring at the little box that supposedly tells us what is happening in her body.  She is shaky, pale, breathing heavily and in distress.  After a day in the hospital sitting, talking, assisting sometimes, I'm exhuasted.  I've really done nothing but sit and talk all day.  And worry.  And look at that box with the green screen and numbers.  Please go down, please change.  Stop looking at the box.  What can I do to help? Just sit and wait with her.  I'm so out of anything else to talk about.  Stop looking at the box.  What is that alarm about?  Are the nurses coming in?  I don't see any numbers in that box that are different, why is the alarm sounding?  Talk about her life, talk about my life.  Worry some more.  Of course we only talk about the everyday details, never about the white elephant in the room. Willing the numbers to go down. Stop looking at the box.  Will power alone won't change anything. Green blinking numbers dancing in my head.........

I can talk about coming out of the hospital to a dark night, tired out of my mind.  When I travel down the street I expect to hit Alhambra (It was in front of the hospital for two day in a row) but when I finally finde the emergency room today and park near there I come out at night and drive down the street till it dead ends.  Great, I'm wandering around tiny streets in Martinez until I happen on Alhambra again.  So I pull out into the street and wonder where the heck the yellow line went, and of course there are two sets of headlights coming toward me, so I try to drive over into their left hand turn lane to get out of the way and of course one of the sets of headlights is a policeman.  He tells me to turn "over there" as he's going to pull me over.  After a sobriety check, flash light in my car, and my explanation of visiting a sick friend, tiny streets, and confusion, he tells me to drive better - A very nice man -  I'm totally awake and aware as I jump on the freeway and go home.

3 comments:

The Hopkins said...

You are a gifted writer my friend! I'm glad you got home safely - I'm so worried about who is sick...I love your blog! I hope today is better.

Bonnie said...

Echoing everything Lanette said, glad you are safe, hope your friend is better.

LA Adams said...

Thanks! Jeanne is not out of the hospital but everyday is better.